This is Alfie the Dog Website


And now a short story for you to read, about a little dog called Alfie


Alfie Scruffwoof

Alfie Scruffwoof was born in or around London in about 1999. He is of mixed parentage,

has twice found himself in the care of animal charities, the first being the Battersea Dogs Home.


Alfie is a very loving, friendly, fun loving little dog who is loved by everyone, therefore I think it unlikely that his previous

owners wanted to re-home him ? I think that he was a victim of circumstances beyond his control.


I have always imagined Alfie's previous life as that of a street market dog, running from stall to stall,

being greeted and spoilt by the various stallholders who loved his cheeky character and by unfailing loyalty

I have also come across a photograph that I am convinced is Alfie living on the streets with the homeless.

This may or may not be Alfie, but it adds another little chapter to what I imagine was Aflie's former life,

before finding the loving care of his master Nigel Lane . He loves his master.



Alfie Scruffwoof

A little scruffy dog's story


I lived on a farm with my master (I love my master) and lots of other animals, who just like me, were very happy there.


When I wake up in my bed, I'm all itchy because the straw tickles me and makes me sneeze. Soon I can smell the mistress cooking bacon for my Master. The smell of bacon is delicious, it also means it must be Thursday.


On Thursday we go to the market to sell eggs. My master takes the old farm van to the market. It's a very old van. It's very smelly and rattly. I have to sit on the floor because there are empty egg boxes on the seat. When I am sat on the floor I can see then road disappearing underneath the van. I sit with my front paws either side of the hole and watch the ground going very fast underneath us. I get worried that if the hole gets any bigger I might fall out. But I know if I fall out my Master (I love my master) will stop the old van, run back and pick me up again. This has happened once before when I was helping my master with tractor and trailer.


When we get to market my Master sets up the stall, and then we get all the eggs out to put on it. I help him when he drops an egg. I get right between his feet and lick it up for him. My master pretends that he doesn't like me helping him. He says ?Bloomin' dog, makin' me drop the bloomin' eggs ? go on then ?oover it up ? bloomin' dog.?


I like the market. I see all my Master's friends there. They all say ?Hello Alfie, helping your master again are you boy?? sometimes they give me something to eat or they scratch me under my collar. (I like it when they scratch me under my collar)


We get very busy selling eggs to people. After a busy day my Master gets tired

and starts to smell nice ? like he does when we've worked all day on the farm ? that's

when we go to the pub. My Master (I love my master) drinks some beer and we share

a bag of porky scratchings. Tonight my Master left me tied to the table leg when he went back into the pub ?what goes in must come out ? wait there Alfie boy?. While I'm waiting for my Master a man people comes to the table, sits down and starts to share his chips with me.(I like chips) I like the man people because he smells like my Master. (I love my master) So when he picks me up, I don't mind, but I do worry that he might hurt my bad leg which won't bend properly, but this man people doesn't know that I have a bad leg that won't bend properly, so when he scoops me up in his arms, I yelp ? loudly. Then he shouts at me - but he hurt me -so I had to yelp, to let him know that he had hurt me. I couldn't help it. He squeezed me closer to him where the smell is even stronger and not like my Master at all (I love my master) then he pushes me deep into his coat where it is very dark and I am very scared. I don't yelp because I think he might shout at me again (I don't like noise) so I just wriggle and squirm. The man people just squeezes me even tighter into his coat where most of the bad smell comes from. I bounce up and down in his coat, where the smell is, for what seems ages and ages.


Finally I stop bouncing up and down when the man people stopped running. I hear him talking to another man people, but his voice isn't kind anymore, it's hard and rough, like the big scary dog that lives on the farm next to mine. I know it's him though, I can feel his voice because he is holding me so tightly against him under his coat where the smell is. ?I've got this mongrel under ?ere Mick ? people give you more dosh when you ?ave a dog beggin' with you. ?ave you got a bit of string Mick, ?e's got a collar, but we don't want ?im getting away from us, do we now? Going to make us loads of money, aren't you little doggie eh?? Then they both laugh when the man people loosens his grip on me and I fall out of his coat onto the hard, cold, and wet pavement. I yelp as loudly as I can. I hope my master will hear me (I love my master) and run to fetch me and tell me that it's not my fault and that I'm a good boy. My bad leg hurts because they dropped me. My Master (I love my master) will be very cross when he gets here. (Where is my Master?) Mick says ?You'll ?ave to get rid of that Kev? pointing to the disc that I wear on my collar. (I like being scratched under my collar) When My Master bought it for me, he said ?bloomin' dog costs me a bloomin' fortune? It was brass. On one side it had my Masters telephone number written on it and on the other side it had my name written on it. Alfie. I loved that disc because my master gave it to me. (I love my master) The man people, that I now know is called Kev, pulled the disc (that my master gave me) straight off my collar, which really, really hurt. So I yelped really, really loudly. I was hoping my Master would hear me. (Where is my Master?) I don't like these man people, so when the one called Mick slaps me, I yelp again really, really loudly. (Where is my Master?) Why hasn't he come to find me yet? Then Kev and Mick drag me by the piece of string they have tied to my collar, along the hard, cold, wet pavement to a doorway, where they sit on dirty blankets that smell just like they do. Not like my Master. (I love my master) Kev ties the piece of string that attached to my collar, to the door handles of the shop behind them. Then they put their hats in front of them, upside down on the hard, cold wet pavement. My master would never do this. My mistress would get very cross and shout at my master when he wasn't wearing his hat. When this happened I would run from the room really, really fast to get away from the noise. (I don't like noise) As peoples pass they sometimes drop pennies into the hats. Sometimes they drop silver coins into the hats. Sometimes they put a biscuit into the hat saying ?that's for your poor little dog.? Kev and Mick say ?Thanks Mrs.? But when the people called Mrs. has passed, they, eat the biscuit. I lick the crumbs off the dirty, smelly blankets that are on the hard, cold wet pavement.


It's dark now. Kev and Mick are drinking lots and lots from big bottles. They try to get me to drink it too, but it smells like apples (I don't like apples ? only the little sweet ones that my mistress cuts up for me ? where is my master?) Later when they have drunk all the drink that smells of apples they roll up their sleeves and push sharp things into their arms (just like the ones that the vet puts into my buttock once a year) perhaps they are ill? I hope so. I'm not happy. I'm cold. I want my master. (I love my master) Perhaps I could help them get better, maybe I could lick their sore arms or give them a cuddle. Maybe not. I don't like them and they're not my master. They haven't taken me for my walk yet and I'm still waiting for my supper. (Where is my master?)


It's very late and it's very cold. Mick and Kev have fallen asleep at last. No more noise. (I don't like noise) There is another man people here. He is very, very old and very scruffy ? he smells of beer ? like my Master when he takes me with him to the pub, after we have sold all the eggs. (I love my master) The man people steps over Mick and Kev and unties the piece of string that goes from my collar to the door handles of the shop behind us. He is very quiet (I like this) and he whispers ?walkies? to me. So I get my cold stiff legs ? especially the bad one ? off the hard, cold, damp pavement, jump over Mick and Kev and follow the old man people down the hard, cold, damp pavement. I was happy because I was getting my walk at last, and I might even get my supper! This man people looks and smells like my Master, and he's very quiet. I like this. (I don't like noise) He also wobbles a lot ? my master does this after we've sold all the eggs and been to the pub ? perhaps we are going to look for my master! Then we stop while the man people urinates in a doorway. My Master would never do this! (I love my master) The man people keeps falling off the kerb, then wobbling and banging into the lamp posts (usually the ones that I want to sniff) and the cars in the street, and then he swears loudly (I don't like this) The next time he fell off the kerb, he let go of the piece of string that Mick and Kev had tied to my collar, the one that my Master gave me. (I love my master) I thought he was going to fall on me and hurt my bad leg, so I ran as fast as I could (and I can run very, very fast indeed ? even with my bad leg) without looking back at he old man people.


I kept running and running until I was gasping for breath, that's when I realised that I must have been running round and round in circles ? I was back in the market ? I was so happy to be near my master again!.


It's very early in the morning and the market is just opening up. Good smells are everywhere from the baker's ovens, the butchers stall, the fresh fruit and veg stall

and of course the cheese stall. (I like cheese) The smells reminded me of my farm. The mistress scented grew flowers everywhere, my Master used to say ?Not more bloomin' flowers Martha ? you've got the dog (that's me Alfie.) what do you want more bloomin' flowers for? ? silly moo! Then they would start shouting at each other and I would run and hide (I don't like noise) but I still loved my master, even when he shouted at my mistress.


So I went to hide down amongst the flowers where I could not be seen and enjoyed the lovely scents in the early morning sunshine. Later, as the market opened, I crept out from between the flowerpots and started looking for my Master's friends on their stalls and see if my Master was talking to any of them. He does like to talk a lot.


First I went to see Mr Brown the butcher who said ? Hello Alfie boy. You're early today ? would you like a sausage?? So I sat down and held up both of my front paws, so that Mr Brown could see that I was ?begging? for a sausage. I was begging for a sausage ? I still hadn't had my supper. He gave me one of his sausages, after making sure, that it was not too hot. Then he said ?Why are you here anyway Alfie boy? Jacob only sells eggs on Thursdays - not Fridays. Go and see Mrs Green on the baker's stall. She will be pleased to see you and she might know why your master has gone off without you. Off you go Alfie boy!?


Mrs Green's stall smelt so good, pasties, pies, sausage rolls and fresh ham sandwiches. All the good smells made me feel hungry all over again. Well I did miss my supper last night. ?Hello Afie, you poor little dog you, loosing your master all of a sudden like that. You have a nice fresh pie, while I call the Lost Dog's Home?.

I listened to Mrs Green telling the The Lost Dog's Home that my Master had ?passed on in the pub last night? what does this mean?? I'm a dog, I don't know what ?passed on? means.I heard Mrs Green say that I would have to go to ?The Home For Dogs' what is that ? it sounds nice ? a dogs home ? somewhere with a nice warm bed, lots of food and things to play with and a kind, gentle master to take me for lots of walks and let me sleep on his lap in front of the fire in the evenings. I hope that the Home For Dogs is in the country with lots of smells and rabbits for me to chase. That would be nice.


Mrs Green put down the telephone, and then knelt down to scratch me under my collar (I really like being scratched under my collar) when she scratches around the base of my tail it make my bad leg do funny things and I fall over and roll on my back, that's when Mrs Green rubs my chest and tickles my paws (I like this too) that's when Mrs Green says ?Poor Alfie I'm afraid the dogs home is full for the next week, so you will have to stay here on the market with us, until they can take you in. Never mind I will make you a nice comfy bed in an old orange box, I'll fill it with old sacks so that you can snuggle down, all nice and cosy when I lock up the stall at night. Then you can be our guard dog! Imagine that Alfie boy ? you a guard dog!?


I am a dog. I don't know what she has been going on about. But still, she is gentle and kind and knows how to scratch a dog properly, so I will do whatever she wants because I love Mrs Green. I love Mrs Green but not as much as I love my Master. Where is my master? When will he come running back for me shouting ?Bloomin' dog ? now what are you getting up to? Bloomin' dog!?


These days I'm being kept very busy! I help Mrs Green set out our stall in the early morning. I get so excited with all the lovely smells of the fresh bread, cakes and of course the sausage rolls! Then I go and check to see that all the other stalls have opened yet and if there is anything I can do to help them. Mr Brown waits for my help in the mornings. He needs me to pick up all the little bits of meat that he drops. He is so clumsy. I don't know how he managed before I came to stay at the market to help him and everyone else with their stalls.


They all greet me with ?Hello Alfie ? still here then boy ? would you like a little job to do? We will miss you when you have to leave us.? I don't know what they mean.

I am a dog. I'm doing what masters want dogs to do. I'm always happy, I cheer everyone up with my waggy tail, help them tidy up bits of food that they drop. I'm even nice to their children who pull my ears and tail, I never even growl at them when they get noisy (I don't like noise) I just run off and find someone else who needs my help. (Where is my master?)


Sometimes I just go and see Mrs Cotton. She has a very dull stall. No food at all on Mrs Cotton's stall. All that she sells is rolls of cloth. Mrs Cotton puts all the odd bits of cloth underneath her stall. It's deep and soft, so I climb onto the mounds of cloth. Then I can look out from under the stall without anyone seeing me. All I can see are the peoples legs when the come to talk to Mrs Cotton.


Yesterday there was a small child in front of the stall. It was eating an ice cream and it was dripping ice cream on Mrs Cotton's odd bits of cloth, so I thought that I would help the child by eating the ice cream for it, then it wouldn't drip anymore. I was only trying to help ? and the child was holding the ice cream (I like ice cream) right in front of me ? at my height! Suddenly there was lots of noise (I don't like noise) Mrs Cotton and the child's mother were shouting, the child started screaming, it all got very noisy ? so I ran as fast as I could and I can run very, very fast when I want to, so I ran all the way back to the flower stall and hid between the pots. I went hid behind the leaves and pots just in case that noisy child was coming my way again. The smell of the flowers reminded me of my farm, my Master and my mistress again. They must come back for me soon. Perhaps my Master will be back to sell more eggs, then I can help him clear up the ones that he drops. (I miss my Master)


?He's hiding between the chrysanthemums? says the woman on the flower stall say in a whispered voice.


When I look round I am surrounded by Mr Brown the butcher, Mrs Green the baker and Mrs Cotton from the cloth stall. They are my friends, but there are two peoples wearing the same sort of clothes. ?That's him,? says Mr Brown the butcher ?that's Alfie, That's the stray. His master passed on last week and we can't keep looking after the poor little chap.? The two peoples who are dressed the same, say very softly ?Come on Alfie boy? (I like this because I don't like noise) So I creep out from behind the leaves and the flowerpots with my head held very low, just like when they call my name temptingly, but I know that they are really going to put me in a bath. One of the two peoples in the same sort of clothes pick me up very gently and scratches me under my collar (I like this a lot) and says to me ?Hello little Alfie, we are from the Lost Dogs Home and we are going to look after you until we can find you a master to love you and to look after you for ever. For now though, Alfie, we are going to take you to a dogs home in the country. It's called the Blue Cross, it's in Northiam.You will like it there. There are lots of other animals there and some very kind people to look after you until we find you a new master.?


I've been here three days now. It's not what I would call a dog's home . There's no sofa, no carpets and no fire to lie in front of. The peoples are very nice to me though.

I do wish that they would stop poking about in my ears. I was taken to see a man people with a white coat on. He smelt too clean and I didn't like that at all. He made me go to sleep and when I woke up I was with all the other dogs in a big shed. We all had our own rooms, so all the other dogs had to shout across the shed to talk to one another. It was very noisy (I don't like noise) and I didn't feel very well after going to see the man people with the white coat on, I think that he did something to me after he made me go to sleep, but I don't know what. I don't feel well and it's so noisy in this shed.


I've been here for so long and I'm fed up. The peoples are still very kind. They gave me a bath and trimmed my toenails. They still keep poking about in my ears and I don't like this. Every morning one of the kind peoples take me for a walk around the Home for Lost Dogs. We go past other dog sheds and past sheds that have got cats in them. There are some horses here too, but we don't go near the horses in case one of them treads on me. In the afternoon different peoples come and take me for a walk along the road before I get my supper. The road has cars on it and they are noisy, so I don't like this walk as much as my morning walk, but I know that I will get my supper after we have walked back along the road. I like my supper.


Sometimes different peoples come to take me out for extra walks. They are all very nice and kind but they don't scratch me under my collar (I like that) they just pat me on the head, take me where I don't want to go, then give me back to the kind peoples at the Home for Lost Dogs. I never see the different peoples again. The kind peoples at the Home for Lost Dogs say ?Never mind Alfie ? maybe next time eh?? then they put me back in my room, with all the other barking dogs and it's so noisy, (I don't like noise) and my head hurts. I try to tell the kind peoples at the Home for Lost Dogs but I am a dog, they don't understand.


I'm not sure, but this all feels very familiar. I think I have been somewhere like this before but maybe it was a very long time ago. Perhaps I was still a puppy. I can't remember much before my master took me to our farm.


Yesterday three different peoples took me for a walk in the morning. There were two men people and one woman people. One of the men people had a furry face. They were very kind to me .The man people without the furry face was very gentle with me and scratched me under my collar. (I like that) He looked very sad when kind people at the Home for Lost Dogs took me away from him ? so I gave the woman people at the Home for Lost Dog's a gentle nip ? just to let her know how much I didn't want to go back to my room in the noisy shed with all the other barking dogs (I don't like noise) and that I wanted the kind man without the furry face to take me away from here, so that the kind woman people could give me my supper and the kind man people could be my friend. What I really wanted was for the man people without the furry face who was so gentle with me and scratched me under my collar (I liked that) would take me home with him and to be my master. (I'd like him to be my master) Then we could look after each other. I'd love to look after a master.


The kind man people without the furry face came back to the dog's home today. I was put in a blue coat, because it was raining again. When the kind people from the Home for Lost Dogs took me out to see him, he had another man people with him.


They walked me up the road with the cars on it. On the hard, damp cold pavement. I didn't like this. The other man people who came to see me with the man people without the furry face doesn't like me. I know this. I can tell, I am a dog, we know these things. The man peoples walked me around the noisy road on the hard, damp cold pavement and then took me back to my room at the dog's home again.


I don't know what is going on. The kind people at the Home for Lost Dogs took me from my room very early this morning to for my walk around the Home for Lost Dogs. Then they gave me a haircut, poked around in my ears and gave me bath! It was awful! Then they put me in a much smaller room and left me there!


The man people without the furry face is back with the other man people who doesn't like me. I meet them in the little house where the kind people from the Home for Lost Dogs seem to live. All the peoples look very happy. (I like this) The man person that I don't like, is here too, even he looks pleased today. I think ?here we go again, another walk on the road with the noisy cars the back to my old room with the noisy dogs barking?. But I was wrong. We walked down the drive of the Home for Lost Dogs just a little way beyond where the horses live, and then the man people without the furry face got into his car. After that the man person who doesn't like me got into the other side and I jumped onto his lap and I just lay straight down and didn't move again. The man people who doesn't like me kept stroking me and talking quietly to me. I like this. Maybe we are going back to my farm? Have they found my master?


It's not much of a farm, there are no chickens. There are lots of rabbits though. I have lovely walks, in the woods or by the sea. I don't like my suppers much. But I have a new Master! He takes me everywhere with him. He takes me to see a woman person who is very old and very kind to me, She knows how to stroke a dog, and how to brush a dog. The best thing is she gives me lots of cuddles and biscuits. I also go to see the man people who doesn't like me. He's changed. He wants to play games with me. He also gives me lots of cuddles and things that I can chew. He gives in if I pester him for long enough, and gives me biscuits from his cupboard. He hides the biscuits behind the onions so that I can't find them, he forgets that I am a dog ? I can always smell where they are no matter where he hides them.


Other dogs come and stay with my master and me sometimes. They are all shapes and sizes. Some are very big, some are the same size as me. My favourite dog that comes to stay is the same size as me. He's called Robbie. We wrestle together ? which makes my master laugh ? and sometimes we share our suppers although Robbie's supper always tastes much nicer than my supper.


I've been here along time now. I have got my master trained to my way of thinking, he knows that I like walks, sofas, duvets and cuddles. We do lots of these. I go and visit my new friends often. I sometimes go to see the old woman person, I even stay overnight with her occasionally and we share her funny chair that goes up and down. I go and visit the man person who didn't like me much, but he does now. He puts me in the bath sometimes (which I don't like) and afterwards we have running and chasing games while he tries to dry me. He helps me to get the fur from out of my eyes and really knows how to scratch a dog under the collar. (I like that a lot)


The thing that I like best about my new farm is my new master, he never gets cross with me, even if I completely forget that I'm supposed to be looking after him (I am a dog) and go racing off after a rabbit. When I suddenly realize that I have gone too far from my farm and lost my way, all I really want to do is get back to make sure that my master is alright. When I get home at last he doesn't get cross. He just says ?Oh Aaalffieee? then picks me up for a cuddle.


Even the man that didn't like me much, doesn't get cross with me, except when I try to give him the slip at bath time, then he just uses his ?deep? voice to call me. After my bath, and we have played games, he gives me vegetables to eat as a treat for being a god boy. Sometimes the man people that didn't like me very much cuts the vegetables too big for me. So I spit them out and wait until the man person that didn't like me very much does it properly. Then I love the vegetables that the man person who didn't like me very much in the first place gives me as a treat.


I'm very happy on my new farm, with all my new friends. I don't think that I will ever find my old master. That makes me sad. It's OK though. I have a new master now.

I love my Master.




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